Home

I have now been away from home and mostly on my own for the last four years now. I remember the feeling of just wanting to get the hell out. I was so over the small town, my high school, and well everything. I couldn't wait for the day I met my new roommate, went to my first party, got drunk for the first time and was completely on my own. I was one cool kid, let me tell you! With my lack of any work experience, extremely low tolerance for alcohol, and my record shattering number of friends. It was the high time in my life.

But as of late things have changed.

I'm growing up; becoming an adult.

That fateful day called graduation may seem like it is a long ways away but its only one short year away. Even though the calenders may hold some evidence that a year is longer than a week...I don't believe it. I am at a point in my life where I should...I don't know, have some clue as to where I want to be in ten, five, hell even one year! I HAVE NOTHING! (aside from graduating of course) I have felt lost before but never to this extent. Every waking moment of my life I have had some idea, some inkling of where I am headed, but now there is nothing. Past graduation it is blank.

I want to go somewhere exciting. I don't want some boring 9-5, settling for a relationship that I'm just content with, living in suburbia with two dogs and a cat! Not that that's wrong, just not for me. There have been a few short lived times that I thought I could stand that, but that's not a life in my opinion. I want to travel the world, experience life, finding a love that would make Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy jealous, and I want a bad ass house in an awesome country with two dogs, minus the cat. Adventure and excitement is what I crave most. It is also what I fear the most. The unknown, the uncertainty.

The uncertainty that I will never be at home again. That I will always be lost. That I will never get that warm feeling I get when I drive down that dusty bumpy drive way to my parking spot by the dog kennel. That feeling when my dog howls and jumps off of her doghouse to greet me. The feeling of having to  struggle to get the key out of the headless ceramic turtle just so that I can struggle with the lock and key to walk into the half painted home that I love so much. Then to see the family that I hold so dear. To watch as the corgis cheerfully greet my dad and to see his face light up when he walks through the door to be greeted by long bodied stumpy legged little creatures. My sister's witty little one liners and my mother's constant infatuation with every detail of mine and my sister's lives. It is hard to believe that I wanted to leave so bad, because all that I crave right now is a night at home. Not even to participate but to just watch and appreciate.

To be Home.

Third time is a charm...right?

My life as of now seems to be a bit crazy but hey whose isn't? Between my school , work, and love life things get a bit crazy. You're probably thinking "well what about your social life?" hahahahaha what social life? Between work, school, and my now non existent love life there are not enough hours in the day. But I am working on it. I am working on myself as of late. Due to my current situation with dating...I just had to break up with probably the most amazing man I could have ever dreamed of dating. It has been rough but it has also given me time to reflect on my life and what I need to do to better myself. So I've made a list of things that I need to work on...an throughout the year ill keep you updated on my progress in these areas. So enjoy..

1.  Loving myself- I know its sounds conceded and self centered but I have realized that when it comes to love that loving yourself is the most important thing you can do in your life. if you don't love yourself then it can be almost impossible to love someone else.
   
    
2. Being healthy- I have come to realize that my health especially now is very important. Eating right and working out has changed my life so far and made me feel better while looking better. I am far from my goals but I will get there.
   
3. STOP PROCRASTINATING- this is a big one for me. "if it wasn't for the last minute nothing would get done" is my mantra, my motto, my life. WELL NOT ANYMORE!!! I need to get shit done! (pardon my french) I'm tired of being behind, not having time, and thinking of every excuse in the book. I'm done!
   
4. Get organized- as a college student organization is key... and if it was a class I had to take I'd be failing. My life is a hot mess and it needs to stop!
   
5. Live every day like its my last- I get so caught up in the craziness of school and work I always took the little moments for granted. I realized this when Clint and I had broken up. I didn't miss the big moments as much as I did the little things. Little things like making dinner together, watching "Ancient Aliens" till  midnight, random conversations, and so much more. I want to embrace every moment.
   
6. Less electronics- recently my i-phone had a tragic death so now I'm back to old faithful...the blackberry curve. Its a beast I'm not gonna lie, but it has made me look up instead of having my nose buried in my phone all day. I enjoy things more because I'm not trying to catch the moment on my phone...I just capture it to memory and cherish it there.
   
7. Travel- I believe that every person should travel even if its to another state. Everywhere has their own culture and as human beings we should embrace that and immerse ourselves in not only our own culture but the culture of the human race. It has so many different origins, languages, and life to it and its a beautiful thing.
   

So I am beginning my journey to not a new me but an evolved version of me. I plan on enjoying the ride and I am glad that you decided to come on this journey with me. I encourage you to take some time and think about what you want out of life and who the evolved version of you needs to be.

Have a blessed day and stay beautiful <3

Let's try this again...

Well since I have been really slacking... lets see for about two months now, I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things here. Lets see there are no new updates really since my last post. I am still a broke college student that lives off of pasta roni, ice cream and alcohol. My daily life really hasn't changed much but my plans for the future have.
Since I have broken up with Casey I have hung out with a few guys here and there. Nothing that ended in anything serious. But every time I go out with someone I realize that there is so much more that I want out of life than to be married or in a serious relationship right out of school. I am not judging anyone who is engaged, married, or in a serious relationship, it is just not for me right now. I find myself counting down the days until I can graduate so that I can, for lack of a better term, "get the hell out of here!" I find that every day is an internal struggle with myself to pack everything I own and just leave. And I don't mean leave as in another state, or Canada, or mexico. No, I mean to travel across the oceans, to Europe, Australia, and everywhere in between. I find myself daydreaming about my future travels on a daily basis when I should be paying attention to lectures in class. It is quite the struggle.
Don't get me wrong I love U of A and all of my friends but lately it seems as if everyone is settling for the cookie cutter lifestyle and not looking outside the box. Everyone seems to be so wrapped up in the U of A they seem to have forgotten that there is an entire world outside of it. I know people who have gone to college just to find a significant other...and that's ok...just not for me. I plan on traveling the world and experiencing everything it has to offer.
So I challenge you to look outside the box and explore. There is so much out there that the world has to offer, don't get to mixed up in your own little world. There is always somewhere new to discover and something new to learn.

I'm Back!!!!

Sorry everyone you're not rid of me yet. Even though I took a two week hiatus I'm back now. So much has happened in the last two weeks that it is hard to keep it all organized. To start off Casey and I are no longer together. I know its heartbreaking.  I decided to break up with him and trust me it was not easy! Unfortunately our lives were headed in two completely different directions and I had to choose between my lifelong dreams and Casey. It has been really strange not hearing his twangy voice over the phone every night and not receiving those good morning texts but I am grateful and lucky to have had him in my life. As I said before he made me realize that I can love again. that life does go on and I can be the person I want to be and I don't have to change for someone. He loved me for who I am and it made me realize that I shouldn't have to sacrifice myself to make someone else happy. He made me realize that I can be happy with someone and that not everyone is out to hurt you or belittle you. There is a man out there who will love me for my goofy awkward self and who won't want me to ever change because he loves all of my faults. Even if that man was not Casey, he is still out there and I know that I can wait for him and it will be worth it because I will truly be happy.
Then after a night filled with SoCo and workaholics I picked myself up and moved on to the next day. the rest of the week went as usual and then that weekend I found out that a kid that I had rodeoed with had been killed in a hit and run.I didn't know him well but it makes me so sad when things like this happens. the rodeo community is a strong and close community so when one of our own gets hurt it hits us all. I send prayers to his friends and family in hopes that they make it through this tough time. After finding out about our rodeo loss I experienced a loss a lot closer to home. My uncle Red had found out he had cancer and seventeen days later he passed away. It was a hard decision considering it was treatment or not. I don't know if any of you have seen someone go through chemo and battle cancer but it is one of the toughest things I have ever had to deal with. Unfortunately I have more experience in this than I wish I had and every time it gets more and more difficult. It is truly the most helpless feeling in the world watching someone fight like that and it is a very humbling experience. You realize how fast things can change and it makes you cherish every moment of every day. We made the trip to Colorado to be with family and it was a tough trip but one that was needed. I got to see my brothers and their babies and also my aunt. Talk about a strong woman. She comforted her daughter when she spoke and was there for everyone. She was determined to make the day a celebration of Red's life and our  love for him. She was determined that no one cried and was thankful for the time that was spent. She is truly and amazing woman and helped me keep it together through the service. She also made sure that the celebration was done right with a keg of red's favorite beer plus handles of Crown and Pendleton, his favorite whiskeys.
Being around family and back home made me sad for the reasoning but happy to see everyone. It made me realize how much I missed home and that no matter what, family is my top priority. I tell you what walking on to that plane to come back to Arizona was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Leaving my family and home breaks my heart and I can't wait until I can go back. Okay enough of the depressing stuff lets move onto the happy things! In general classes are great and work is also. But my most exciting news is that I found an internship that would be my dream to get! I applied to be a Budweiser Clydesdale handler. I would get to travel the states with the team. I can't even imagine how amazing it would be and I am praying that I can get it, even if it means cleaning crap off of the sidewalks, I DON'T CARE!!!! It would still be amazing! So I am hoping things will turn around and start getting better. Here are some pics from Colorado, the happier part of the visit.

                                             

                           Love you uncle Red. You will be greatly missed!

Heart like mine....

Today I realized we are only half a week into the spring semester. The past few days have been filled with so much craziness it feels like we are half way through but we have barely started. If this semester is anything like what this last week has been like it is goin to be an amazing semester! This past week I have had class, made new friends and reconnected with old friends, danced until I couldn't stand, and drank a little too much. I saw my beloved Broncos make it to the superbowl and I also had to deal with the cops and crazy parking situations...yet again! I love my crazy beautiful life and I wouldn't change a single moment of it. Every late night dance session, early morning class, and time spent with friends was time well used. Every moment is important whether it is just goin for a walk or spending it on homework. One of my favorite quotes is "remember our days are all numbered, not spent."It is a reminder to live life you can't get back that day you only have so many days and you have to choose how to spend them because well you can't decide to "spend" that day, you can't take it back or stop it so live it and make sure that everyday was worth something. that every day had something good in it. You truly never know what tomorrow will bring and your life can be thrown off in a blink of an eye. I have been reminded of this so many times and most times it is a tough lesson to learn and take in. I plan to make the most of every day of my life and every precious moment.
I have to remind myself that settling is not the way to go. Settling for a bad friend, a bad grade, relationship, job, or life. There is no perfect moment to start living your life because well it started the day you took your first breath. This is it...your right in the middle of it. So if you aren't happy with it, make a change. Only you can do that, only you are in control of your happiness. So don't waste your precious time on people, jobs, and things that will bring you down and make you unhappy. Every day I try to find something new that I would like to try. Whether it is a new recipe, food, style, haircut, or even a place to travel to. I find that keeping my eyes, mind and heart open it helps me appreciate all the little things in life and all the possibilities in it. Here are a short list of things that I would love to do in the next 10-15 years:

• Live in another country 
• Eat something new in every city I visit
• go skydiving and/or bungy jumping
• visit the Sistine chapel
• See a Broadway show
• Have a paint fight
• run a marathon

And that is a VERY short list of the things I want to do. Every day the list gets longer and there is probably no possible way that I will get through it all but I will sure as hell try to! So I challenge you to try to find something new you want to do every day. Whether it is food, an art project, or whatever your heart desires!!! Each day may not be good but there truly is something good in each day. So find those good things, moments and memories and remember this is it so go for it and don't hold anything back because when it comes to the day when the good lord calls you home you don't want to regret not doing something that has been in your heart your whole life.

An appropriate song to go along with this post;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZK1o3K8hTo

First Day of School Jitters!

No matter how many first days of school you have it is still nerve racking walking into a classroom at a university, where you more than likely don't know a single person. That is even more so the case if it is a gen ed class or something along those lines. That awkward pause, especially when you are late to class, when you walk in the door. There are usually a few people who look back and then comes trying to find a seat. This is even more a pain if you arrive late to class for various reasons. If you are in a small class you have to find a seat that is between the girl with her books, backpack and other class utensils strewn all over the floor and her tiny desk and the guy who smells like he just left the gym and is always making the "I'm the funny guy" kind of jokes. Personally I prefer to sit next to the quietest, and cleanest people in class it makes it much nicer and less smelly. The alternative it is the big auditorium where everyone is elbow to elbow and trying not to hit there neighbor whenever they try to take notes. This is the most awkward class to be late in because well about a hundred students or more sometimes are packed in like sardines and it is hot and stuffy and add you to the equation people tend to get a little pissy. I don't blame them, I hate it when someone is squeezing into the aisles hitting me with their bag or putting there butt or other unmentionables in my face to try to get to the middle seat of the aisle because someone they think they know is sitting there, or its the only empty seat. I mean seriously just sit on the ground in the back or on an empty aisle seat. And this goes for the people who come early, sit in the middle of the aisle and move out so the people who are late have a seat and I don't' have to see their butt crack as the squeeze past me!!! And then there is those people who are too lazy to go around so they squeeze down the entire row to get to the empty seat on the other end of the aisle!!
Among the annoying seat squeezing people there is the endless jabber about the syllabus. One after another, the same thing over and over! Its enough to drive you crazy, but I suppose a few weeks in I will wish I was still only worried about the syllabus. And then there are the teachers who try to teach the first day. Personally I like these teachers because in reality the beginning if the semester is when I usually pay the most attention so the more we learn in the beginning the better off I am. This year I plan to try all year and work hard so really it shouldn't matter but that has been the case in previous years.
After class comes the fun part though. BUYING BOOKS!!!! you go the the bookstore or online and buy hundreds of dollars worth or textbooks that you may crack open twice the entire semester. Then when you try to sell it back at the end of the year you get five dollars for a two hundred dollar book. Buying the books is the hardest part though. First you actually have to get into the book store and fight the crowds or maybe even fight someone for the last WileyPlus access code. Then you wait in a line that is wrapped around the store. The best part is seeing the people who pre-ordered books and get to just walk out the door with a snide look that makes you want to go all high school bully and push their books out of their hands. You silently curse yourself, the sneering person, and the bookstore then continue to wait in line and tell yourself you will pre-order books next semester.
Aside from all the bookstore madness, the syllabus reading, and the seat squeezing I am actually really happy to be back. I missed my friends, campus and actually learning. I know I will regret that statement in a few weeks but at the moment I missed it. So here is to a new semester hopefully full of success and lots of A's. Happy learning everyone!

Spring 2014

Well it is here people... Spring Semester 2014...BUM BUM BUM!!!!! I have seriously spent my entire day trying to get my life together for this semester and I am actually really excited for it to begin. It may sound a bit nerdy but I miss learning and having to actually think. I know I will regret that statement in about three or four weeks but for now I miss it. I am starting a new major and working to get my awful GPA back to where it needs to be. unlike most students my rough year wasn't my freshman year. No it was these last two semesters...right in the middle of my college career. And it freakin' sucks!!! So my goal is to turn it all around and graduate on time or at the very most a semester late. I'm pretty excited for my new major and to kind of start over... if only my GPA started over. Live and learn I guess. So this semester is about working hard and making the effort and not getting pulled into the same mindset as the last two semesters. I am going to work hard in school, work and I even started working out. Today. Hey you gotta start somewhere right? So here is to a successful semester mentally and physically (insert fist pump here).
Even though last semester was rough here are a few of my favorite memories. So enjoy and have a good night :)