Thursday, February 6, 2014

I'm Back!!!!

Sorry everyone you're not rid of me yet. Even though I took a two week hiatus I'm back now. So much has happened in the last two weeks that it is hard to keep it all organized. To start off Casey and I are no longer together. I know its heartbreaking.  I decided to break up with him and trust me it was not easy! Unfortunately our lives were headed in two completely different directions and I had to choose between my lifelong dreams and Casey. It has been really strange not hearing his twangy voice over the phone every night and not receiving those good morning texts but I am grateful and lucky to have had him in my life. As I said before he made me realize that I can love again. that life does go on and I can be the person I want to be and I don't have to change for someone. He loved me for who I am and it made me realize that I shouldn't have to sacrifice myself to make someone else happy. He made me realize that I can be happy with someone and that not everyone is out to hurt you or belittle you. There is a man out there who will love me for my goofy awkward self and who won't want me to ever change because he loves all of my faults. Even if that man was not Casey, he is still out there and I know that I can wait for him and it will be worth it because I will truly be happy.
Then after a night filled with SoCo and workaholics I picked myself up and moved on to the next day. the rest of the week went as usual and then that weekend I found out that a kid that I had rodeoed with had been killed in a hit and run.I didn't know him well but it makes me so sad when things like this happens. the rodeo community is a strong and close community so when one of our own gets hurt it hits us all. I send prayers to his friends and family in hopes that they make it through this tough time. After finding out about our rodeo loss I experienced a loss a lot closer to home. My uncle Red had found out he had cancer and seventeen days later he passed away. It was a hard decision considering it was treatment or not. I don't know if any of you have seen someone go through chemo and battle cancer but it is one of the toughest things I have ever had to deal with. Unfortunately I have more experience in this than I wish I had and every time it gets more and more difficult. It is truly the most helpless feeling in the world watching someone fight like that and it is a very humbling experience. You realize how fast things can change and it makes you cherish every moment of every day. We made the trip to Colorado to be with family and it was a tough trip but one that was needed. I got to see my brothers and their babies and also my aunt. Talk about a strong woman. She comforted her daughter when she spoke and was there for everyone. She was determined to make the day a celebration of Red's life and our  love for him. She was determined that no one cried and was thankful for the time that was spent. She is truly and amazing woman and helped me keep it together through the service. She also made sure that the celebration was done right with a keg of red's favorite beer plus handles of Crown and Pendleton, his favorite whiskeys.
Being around family and back home made me sad for the reasoning but happy to see everyone. It made me realize how much I missed home and that no matter what, family is my top priority. I tell you what walking on to that plane to come back to Arizona was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. Leaving my family and home breaks my heart and I can't wait until I can go back. Okay enough of the depressing stuff lets move onto the happy things! In general classes are great and work is also. But my most exciting news is that I found an internship that would be my dream to get! I applied to be a Budweiser Clydesdale handler. I would get to travel the states with the team. I can't even imagine how amazing it would be and I am praying that I can get it, even if it means cleaning crap off of the sidewalks, I DON'T CARE!!!! It would still be amazing! So I am hoping things will turn around and start getting better. Here are some pics from Colorado, the happier part of the visit.


                           Love you uncle Red. You will be greatly missed!